MySpace, Feb. 29 – March 3, 2008

Monday, March 03, 2008

Washington’s Manners, Pt. III

Here are the last of Washington’s rules of Etiquette.

66th Be not forward but friendly and Courteous; the first to Salute hear and answer & be not Pensive when it’s a time to Converse.

Be friendly and say “hi.” M’kay.

67th Detract not from others neither be excessive in Commanding.

Are you building them up, or breaking them down?

68th Go not thither, where you know not, whether you Shall be Welcome or not. Give not Advice without being Ask’d & when desired do it briefly.

Don’t go where you’re not wanted…and don’t give unwanted advice. Got it.

69th If two contend together take not the part of either unconstrained; and be not obstinate in your own Opinion, in Things indiferent be of the Major Side.

Be impartial when others fight. Good idea. But side with the majority on little things? I dunno, maybe people still do that.

70th Reprehend not the imperfections of others for that belongs to Parents Masters and Superiours.

Parents, Masters and Superiours. Hey! I’m a parent! I can reprehend the imperfections of others! Woo-hoo!

71st Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of Others and ask not how they came. What you may Speak in Secret to your Friend deliver not before others.

Marks or blemishes of others? To me, this points up another glimpse of pre-Revolutionary society. I’m guessing that many people had scars from diseases and poxes, and it was polite to overlook them?

72d Speak not in an unknown Tongue in Company but in your own Language and that as those of Quality do and not as the Vulgar; Sublime matters treat Seriously.

So Ebonics is out?

73d Think before you Speak pronounce not imperfectly nor bring out your Words too hastily but orderly & distinctly.

IM UR BFF. TTFN, ROFLMAO. C’ya.

74th When Another Speaks be attentive your Self and disturb not the Audience if any hesitate in his Words help him not nor Prompt him without desired, Interrupt him not, nor Answer him till his Speech be ended.

75th In the midst of Discourse ask not of what one treateth but if you Perceive any Stop because of your coming you may well intreat him gently to Proceed: If a Person of Quality comes in while your Conversing it’s handsome to Repeat what was said before.

76th While you are talking, Point not with your Finger at him of Whom you Discourse nor Approach too near him to whom you talk especially to his face.

Don’t point. It’s not polite.

77th Treat with men at fit Times about Business & Whisper not in the Company of Others.

Keep shop-talk at work…

78th Make no Comparisons and if any of the Company be Commended for any brave act of Vertue, commend not another for the Same.

79th Be not apt to relate News if you know not the truth thereof. In Discoursing of things you Have heard Name not your Author always A Secret Discover not.

“Always a secret discover not.” I know a LOT of people who need to live by this. Smacks of “don’t gossip,” as a general summation, doesn’t it?

80th Be not Tedious in Discourse or in reading unless you find the Company pleased therewith.

81st Be not Curious to Know the Affairs of Others neither approach those that Speak in Private.

Okay, I seriously have neighbors…or maybe more accurately ‘neighbor’…who needs to be smacked upside the head with this rule in two-by-four format.

82d undertake not what you cannot perform but be carefull to keep your promise.

Do ya want me to lasso ya the moon, Mary?

83d when you deliver a matter do it without passion & with discretion, however mean the person be you do it too.

Mean in this case means “lowly,” I’m pretty sure.

84th When your Superiours talk to any Body hearken not neither Speak nor Laugh.

Again with the “your superiors” bit. And when they talk, don’t listen, speak or laugh?

85th In Company of these of Higher Quality than yourself Speak not til you are ask’d a Question then Stand upright put of your Hat & Answer in few words.

“Those of higher quality than yourself.” I’m like, totally seriously. This concept blows my mind. And to stand up, take off your hat and answer briefly? Is it like: “Sergeant! The Private Wishes to Go Wee-Wee, Sergeant!”

86th In Disputes, be not So Desireous to Overcome as not to give Liberty to each one to deliver his Opinion and Submit to the Judgment of the Major Part especially if they are Judges of the Dispute.

So…let everyone have their say…don’t talk over people? How quaint.

87th Let thy carriage be such as becomes a Man Grave Settled and attentive to that which is spoken. Contradict not at every turn what others Say.

Heck, I have a daughter that needs to “contradict not” just a bit more.

88th Be not tedious in Discourse, make not many Digressigns, nor repeat often the Same manner of Discourse.

“Did I ever tell ya of the time I chased that rooster when I was in DaNang? Or was it Pa-Trang? It was Viet-Nam, anyway….So there I was….”

89th Speak not Evil of the absent for it is unjust.

90th Being Set at meat Scratch not neither Spit Cough or blow your Nose except there’s a Necessity for it.

Don’t spit, cough or blow your nose at the table. Or on the table. Unless you need to. Nice.

91st Make no Shew of taking great Delight in your Victuals, Feed not with Greediness; cut your Bread with a Knife, lean not on the Table neither find fault with what you Eat.

Actually, this is pretty good. Don’t be a hog, don’t be loud with the “Mm-Mm Good!” Don’t lean on the table, and don’t say “Eww, I HATE Lima Beans!”

92d Take no Salt or cut Bread with your Knife Greasy.

Don’t dip yer dirty silverware in the stuff other people wanna eat.

93d Entertaining any one at table it is decent to present him wt. meat, Undertake not to help others undesired by the Master.

The Master?

94th If you Soak bread in the Sauce let it be no more than what you put in your Mouth at a time and blow not your broth at Table but Stay till Cools of it Self.

95th Put not your meat to your Mouth with your Knife in your hand neither Spit forth the Stones of any fruit Pye upon a Dish nor Cast anything under the table.

Oh, so DON’T spit my pits, and DON’T toss stuff under the table. My bad.

96th It’s unbecoming to Stoop much to ones Meat Keep your Fingers clean & when foul wipe them on a Corner of your Table Napkin.

97th Put not another bit into your Mouth til the former be Swallowed let not your Morsels be too big for the Gowls.

98th Drink not nor talk with your mouth full neither Gaze about you while you are a Drinking.

99th Drink not too leisurely nor yet too hastily. Before and after Drinking wipe your Lips breath not then or Ever with too Great a Noise, for its uncivil.

Yes. Uncivil it is.

100th Cleanse not your teeth with the Table Cloth Napkin Fork or Knife but if Others do it let it be done wt. a Pick Tooth.

Gross! People used to clean their teeth with the tablecloth?

101st Rince not your Mouth in the Presence of Others.

Argle-argle-argle-argle…

102d It is out of use to call upon the Company often to Eat nor need you Drink to others every Time you Drink.

103d In Company of your Betters be not longer in eating than they are lay not your Arm but only your hand upon the table.

104th It belongs to the Chiefest in Company to unfold his Napkin and fall to Meat first, But he ought then to Begin in time & to Dispatch with Dexterity that the Slowest may have time allowed him.

105th Be not Angry at Table whatever happens & if you have reason to be so, Shew it not but on a Chearfull Countenance especially if there be Strangers for Good Humour makes one Dish of Meat a Feast.

“Good Humour Makes One Dish of Meat a Feast.” God, I love this line. This is a nugget of 200 year old awesomeness that I have to remember to uncork at our dinner table when the kids are acting up.

106th Set not yourself at the upper of the Table but if it Be your Due or that the Master of the house will have it So, Contend not, least you Should Trouble the Company.

107th If others talk at Table be attentive but talk not with Meat in your Mouth.

108th When you Speak of God or his Atributes, let it be Seriously & wt. Reverence. Honour & Obey your Natural Parents altho they be Poor.

109th Let your Recreations be Manfull not Sinfull.

Awww….not even a little sinful?

110th Labour to keep alive in your Breast that Little Spark of Celestial fire Called Conscience.

Amen.

Finis

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Saturday, March 01, 2008

I Can’t Help It…I Love These MeMe Things…
Current mood:
amused

Hi, my name is: Puddintame…ask me again and I’ll tell you the same.but you can call me: Ray, or you can call me Jay, or you can call me Rayjay.

Never in my life have I: been so ashamed of you kids! Honestly, you just wait until your father gets home!

The one person who can drive me nuts is: out looking for more nuts.

My high school is: a vague, mostly bad memory from twenty years ago.

When I’m nervous: I’m bad, but when I’m not I’m even better.

The last song I listened to was: “Psycho,” by Puddle of Mudd.

If I were to get married right now: I’d be a Mormon. I’d also be a living testament to the profoundly low standards of some poor woman.

My hair is: leaving the places it should be, and growing in places it shouldn’t.

When I was 4: Aids was the word that came after “Kool” and “Band.”

Last Christmas: Santa traveled the world bringing delightful presents to all the good little boys and girls.

I should be: so lucky.

When I look down I see: my knees.

The happiest recent event was: happy….and recent.

If I were a character on ‘Friends’ I would be: The Soup Nazi. Or the Lieutenant Bookman, the library detective.

By this time next year: it’ll be 2009.

My current gripe is: a two-handed overhand gripe. What? No, I thought it said “grip.” Sorry, my bad.

I have a hard time understanding: how most people can survive a full 24 hour period with the near-total lack of brain activity they display.

There’s these girls: And then there are THOSE girls.

If I won an award, the first person I would call: would say that — wait a minute, what kind of an award are we talking about here? If I won “Man of the Year,” it’d be different than if I won the “Skankiest Toilet Ever” award.

I want to buy: low and sell high.

Where do you plan to visit: Soon? Colonial Williamsburg. Later? Everywhere else.

If you spent the night at my house: I would sincerely hope that we had invited you.

The world could do without: Access Hollywood, the E! network, Evangelists, Closed-minded people, Credit Cards, Grits, Toyota, Clamato Juice, Poverty, Cable TV, Fast Food, The Internet, and Carrot Top.

Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: Lunch, at work on Thursday.

Most recent thing someone else bought me: a new belt.

My middle name is: In between my first and last names.

In the morning I: Get up and go to work, like the wage-slave that I am.

Last night I was: incredible. Of course, by “incredible” I mean that I fell asleep in an armchair while watching basic cable.

There’s this guy I know who: makes the best gazpacho. Dang!

If I was an animal I’d be a: Dromedary. Or maybe not.

A better name for me would be: irrelevant.

Tomorrow I am: sure the sun will rise.

Tonight I am: pretty sure it’s dark.

My birthday is: cause for great rejoicing and celebration among the people.

I got this from: Margie

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Friday, February 29, 2008

Washington’s Manners, Pt. II
Current mood:
fascinated

So here I go with more of George Washington’s rules of etiquette…

35th Let your Discourse with Men of Business be Short and Comprehensive.

It’s why men, universally, refuse to spend long days wandering around at the mall. Get in. Get Out. That’s our rule.

36th Artificers & Persons of low Degree ought not to use many ceremonies to Lords, or Others of high Degree but Respect and highly Honour them, and those of high Degree ought to treat them with affibility & Courtesie, without Arrogancy.

Y’mean…the peons should honor the wealthy…and the wealthy shouldn’t belittle the peons?

37th In Speaking to men of Quality do not lean nor Look them full in the Face, nor approach too near them at lest Keep a full Pace from them.

Their vision is based on movement…if you don’t move, they can’t see you…

38th In visiting the Sick, do not Presently play the Physicion if you be not Knowing therein.

39th In writing or Speaking, give to every Person his due Title According to his Degree & the Custom of the Place.

Due Title? “Oh, you’re a HICK, aren’t you?”

40th Strive not with your Superiers in argument, but always Submit your Judgment to others with Modesty.

Okay, this one’s just really alien to today’s culture. It says we should just accept what our “betters” say. This one really just doesn’t fly in today’s society.

41st Undertake not to Teach your equal in the art himself Proffesses; it Savours of arrogancy.

Heh heh heh…

42d Let thy ceremonies in Courtesie be proper to the Dignity of his place with whom thou conversest for it is absurd to act the same with a Clown and a Prince.

43d Do not express Joy before one sick or in pain for that contrary Passion will aggravate his Misery.

44th When a man does all he can though it Succeeds not well blame not him that did it.

On the other hand, this rule has been overdone these days, so that now our kids get trophies for trying, and “everybody’s a winner for doing their best” has flourished.

45th Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in publick or in Private; presently, or at Some other time in what terms to do it & in reproving Shew no Sign of Cholar but do it with all Sweetness and Mildness.

Criticize constructively, and with an eye toward the dignity of the person you’re criticizing. Nice.

46th Take all Admonitions thankfully in what Time or Place Soever given but afterwards not being culpable take a Time & Place convenient to let him him know it that gave them.

So don’t make a scene in public, but make sure to stick up for yourself later. Nice.

47th Mock not nor Jest at any thing of Importance break no Jest that are Sharp Biting and if you Deliver any thing witty and Pleasent abstain from Laughing there at yourself.

Wow. Okay, um…Don’t make fun of anything of Importance? I pretty much slaughter this rule every day of my life. How are our authorities going to stay grounded in reality of we don’t mock their self-importance regularly?

48th Wherein wherein you reprove Another be unblameable yourself; for example is more prevalent than Precepts.

When you point a finger at someone else….three fingers point back at yourself. Or… Let he who is without blame cast the first stone.

49th Use no Reproachfull Language against any one neither Curse nor Revile.

50th Be not hasty to beleive flying Reports to the Disparagement of any.

It IS interesting to hear some of the gossip that flies around the neighborhood. Sometimes it leaves me wondering “now just where the heck would she have heard THAT one?”

51st Wear not your Cloths, foul, unript or Dusty but See they be Brush’d once every day at least and take heed that you approach not to any Uncleaness.

Here’s one of those clues to the norms of society back then. “Brush” your clothes once per day? What about “wash?” Wow, how bad did people smell back then?

52d In your Apparel be Modest and endeavour to accomodate Nature, rather than to procure Admiration keep to the Fashion of your equals Such as are Civil and orderly with respect to Times and Places.

So dress nicely, but don’t go for the bling, or dress like a pimp, or sport yer FUBU and Adidas, yo.

53d Run not in the Streets, neither go too slowly nor with Mouth open go not Shaking yr Arms kick not the earth with yr feet, go not upon the Toes, nor in a Dancing fashion.

I’m just trying to picture someone walking down the street…wait, DANCING down the street, mouth open, arms shaking, feet kicking dirt.

54th Play not the Peacock, looking every where about you, to See if you be well Deck’t, if your Shoes fit well if your Stokings sit neatly, and Cloths handsomely.

55th Eat not in the Streets, nor in the House, out of Season.

Good. I do think that a “House” was the word for “Restaurant” back then.

56th Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for ’tis better to be alone than in bad Company.

I really like this one. This rule rings true today, even if it is followed by almost nobody.

57th In walking up and Down in a House, only with One in Company if he be Greater than yourself, at the first give him the Right hand and Stop not till he does and be not the first that turns, and when you do turn let it be with your face towards him, if he be a Man of Great Quality, walk not with him Cheek by Joul but Somewhat behind him; but yet in Such a Manner that he may easily Speak to you.

??? I have almost no idea what he’s talking about.

58th Let your Conversation be without Malice or Envy, for ’tis a Sign of a Tractable and Commendable Nature: And in all Causes of Passion admit Reason to Govern.

59th Never express anything unbecoming, nor Act agst the Rules Moral before your inferiours.

60th Be not immodest in urging your Freinds to Discover a Secret.

61st Utter not base and frivilous things amongst grave and Learn’d Men nor very Difficult Questians or Subjects, among the Ignorant or things hard to be believed, Stuff not your Discourse with Sentences amongst your Betters nor Equals.

62d Speak not of doleful Things in a Time of Mirth or at the Table; Speak not of Melancholy Things as Death and Wounds, and if others Mention them Change if you can the Discourse tell not your Dreams, but to your intimate Friend.

63d A Man ought not to value himself of his Atchievements, or rare Qualities of wit; much less of his riches Virtue or Kindred.

Interesting. Seems to be pushing modesty.

64th Break not a Jest where none take pleasure in mirth Laugh not aloud, nor at all without Occasion, deride no mans Misfortune, tho’ there Seem to be Some cause.

Do not laugh where nobody has a sense of humor. Make fun of nobody for being down on their luck.

65th Speak not injurious Words neither in Jest nor Earnest Scoff at none although they give Occasion.

That’s hard for me, too. I probably do this too much.

Okay, that’s enough of this for me for one night.

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