I was looking through my Spam mailbox on Gmail, and some of the titles on the spam mails are hilarious… The bad English, the creative references to my manhood that I’ve never heard before…truly classic!
“Everyone is enthusiastic about you! You is enthusiastic about Viagra” — I is? I is!!
“Screw her up” — Yeah, bet she’ll be into that.
“Your excitement is not transmitted to your love-tool? We know what can establish a connection.” — Yeah, somebody set up us the bomb.
“Your manliness will never die as long as you are with us.” — Well, that’s one part down…
“Your love torch won’t blow out” — The tribe has spoken.
“She bitches about your flaccidity?” — well, yes but ironically, she’s not talking about my penis.
“Make your King-Kong twice larger.” — RRrrargh!
“Be a love rhino.” — Uh…ouch?
“Tune your shaft well.” — we talking about my golf clubs here?
“More moans, more peaks” — no errors!
“Do you want that she loved you yet more?” — Ay, yet but I not thought as of the Tuesday. (?)
“Shoot your gin into her vagina.” — My gin? Where would I put the tonic? I can’t picture getting it from there into my glass, either. It just doesn’t seem like this would work.
“Extra pleasure is always appropriate: Give it to your couple!” — Could I keep a little for myself, too?
“You will always be able to put a rocket in her shaft, when you ant it!” — HER shaft? Hey, now, buddy, you’ve got me all wrong!
“Lost the charge of male strength? Return it right now!” — Um. Yeah.
“Have hard erection and sleep quietly. Viagra rebates!” — So I’ll be sleeping…with an erection? What fun is that?
“Nail her like a youngster.” — end up on “To Catch a Predator”
“Make your lovestick your wife’s favorite toy.” — Honey, can you please quit playing Jenga with my lovestick? Please?
“Potion for heroic banging” — that’s ‘potion for heroic banging’ +3 against dragon breath, thank you!
“Get smashing love power.” — Smashing? Love? Power?
“Want your meaty lever to go up and forward all night?” — meaty lever? Okay, that one’s creative.
“Deeper in her entrails” — Why do I get a mental picture of someone screwing a gut-pile out in the woods during deer season?
“Make your boner so iron in could pierce a hole in ceiling.” — So iron.
“Make your weenie resolute.” — Because that’s what men want. Resolute weenies. “Garth, did you say ‘weiner’!?”
“Create storm in your couple’s bedroom” — With my spear and magic helmet? West winds bwow…east winds bwow….Wain, Wightning…SMOG!!!
“Catch rapturous girls’ looks on your zipper protuberance.” — zipper protuberance? Another good one!