What Not To Post. In Fact…Just Don’t Post.

The internet is a great place.  A free and open forum for the sharing of ideas and expression — a real, in-your-living-room, honest-to-God method for instantaneous communication with anyone on the Earth.  Anywhere.  Anyone.  Instantly.

I give you…Twitter.  Facebook.  Also Myspace before that, and LiveJournal (remember them?) and Flickr and Yahoo and Photobucket, Youtube, Google+, Orkut (if you’re Brazilian), Xanga, Craigslist, MSN, reddit, Tumblr…  I need to take a breath.  Point is…there is a never-ending ocean of forums, bulletin boards, chat rooms and good old-fashioned social media out there, so jump on the wave and start sharing your thoughts!

Except…

There are apparently some people out there trying to put in some guidelines, some tips, some…rules for the things you should be posting on-line.  I think it started with some common-sense safety things:  Don’t give your real name, or your address, or your bank info, or when you might be on vacation for a couple of weeks.  That kind of thing.  And that kind of thing has maybe gotten a little out of hand.  I’ve seen tidbits here and there where people have been chided for saying things.  Or using language.  Or sharing a link.  Or having an opinion.

So, I did some searching on topics like “what not to post.”  Here is my compilation after a half-dozen or so of those searches.

  • Don’t post pictures of your kids.
    • Or babies in general.
    • Or food.
    •  Or your vacation.
    • Or your friends.
    • Really.
  • Don’t complain about life.
    • Or work.
    • Or people, both named and un-named.
    • Or your relationship.
    • Or boredom.
    • Or Facebook.
  • Conversely, don’t tell us that you’re happy about your relationship, or that you’re all lovey.
  • Avoid hello’s and goodbye’s, like ‘hello Facebook,” or “going to bed, everyone.”
    • Likewise, no wake-ups or good-nights, God forbid.
  • Don’t, for the love of humanity, forward anything inspirational.
    • Or any pictures.
    • Or comics.
    • Or quotes — and that includes:
      • movie,
      • tv,
      • book
      • or music lyrics.
  • Don’t post anything overly specific…
    • …or overly vague.
  • The Internet doesn’t care if you’re excited about anything…
    • …or  bored about anything.
  • Oh, and anything you either like or hate?  Keep it to yourself.
  • Lastly, if you find anything personally interesting…don’t post that either.

Seriously, I didn’t make any of this up.  There are, honest-injun, people out there advising all of this.  I’ve seen the blogs, the “advice.”  Stop it with posting all the kid crap — so you shat little Timmy out of your womb several years ago…we don’t care!  That’s a nice one. There’s also, stop flaunting your vacation at us, making us jealous.

We don’t care if you’re bored.  Get off the internet and do something.

Stop complaining about Facebook…just cancel it if you don’t like it.

That’s not ‘inspirational,’ stop pushing your faith on me.

If I wanted to read that comic I’d have found it myself.

Stop with the vague ‘so tired’ complaints! Nobody cares!

If I could summarize — don’t let anyone know if you’re happy, or sad, or proud, or depressed, or if you went somewhere cool, or bought something cool, or met something cool.   Not if you’re in a relationship or not.  No love or hate.  Nothing boring or interesting.

Just don’t post.  There are, I guess, professionals for that.  You can click “like” on what THEY have to say.  That’s the internet you get to use.

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