I’ve read all of the web fury over Starbucks’ red holiday cup, and it’s truly made me stop and say…
…”Wait…Starbucks offers different colored cups at Christmas?”
I don’t go to Starbucks. I mean, I have gone to Starbucks before…I’ve physically been in one, and I think I’ve actually bought a cup of coffee in one. Like…once, or maybe twice.
I just don’t buy single cups of coffee when I’m out. Not espresso. Not cappuccino, or latte, or whatever half-calf, double-speak, fat-free concoction Rachel and Ross are ordering this week. Wait, they aren’t a thing anymore…um…whatever, my point stands. It’s not that I’m against coffee shops, or coffee drinking, or anything…
…I just can’t afford it. I checked out when a cup of coffee surpassed $2.00…and when I can make an entire pot of freshly-ground, delicious coffee at home for less than that, I just can’t see buying a cup. And I know that $2.00 is cheap for anything at Starbucks now. Every so often, my work will give me a Starbucks gift card as a thank-you for something…usually a $5.00 card. I give it to my two oldest kids, and they can barely each get something for that amount.
So the first time I heard that Starbucks does anything with their cups except put expensive coffee drinks in them was on Facebook, when people started ranting and howling about these particular red cups that don’t say anything on them. My thought process went something like this:
“Wait, so Starbucks changes their cups for Christmas?”
“And, people don’t like them?”
“So like, Starbucks doesn’t charge any more for the red cups?”
“And it’s the same coffee inside the red cups?”
“And these are people who can afford to go buy one of these red cups of coffee every day?”
“And they’re getting butt-hurt about this cup because it doesn’t say anything offensive on it?”
“But Starbucks is doing something to celebrate the season…and people just don’t like it?”
“And children are still starving to death on several continents? And Donald Trump is still possibly our next president? And animal cruelty still abounds on the Earth? And Westboro Church still pickets inappropriate things? And human trafficking is still a thing? And drug cartels, and AIDS and Ebola and Somali pirates, and athlete’s foot, and psoriasis, and homeless people and…these are all still REAL things…”
“…and people are screaming about their fucking COFFEE CUP?!”
“Check please, I’m out.”
So…folks…go ahead and tell your “barrista” that your name is “Ho Ho MerryChristmas.” Whatever floats your boat.
So…barristas…in the long Starbucks tradition of mis-spelling your customers’ names, please feel free to write “Douchebag” on those cups.