Eggs and Allergies

I’ve grown an egg allergy over the past couple of years, and it sucks.  Now, I’m pretty laid back about it, as these things go.  I’m not one of those people who strides into a restaurant and before their second foot has crossed the threshold they’re loudly proclaiming “Oh God, there’s an egg in here!  Oh, my allergy is flaring up!  It’s triggered!  That’s a trigger!  I hope I can find something that I can eat that’s egg-free, because I’m allergic to eggs…can you take me to a seat far from the eggs?”  No, I can usually tell by reading the menu if something has an egg on it, and just not order that…or ask politely if it can be removed.

“The cobb salad, does that have boiled egg on it?” ”Yes sir, it does.”  “Okay, could I get it without the egg, because I’m allergic to them.  Thanks.”  “No problem sir, I’ll let them know about the allergy.”

See?  Polite.  Civil.  My need is communicated, and everyone gets to maintain their dignity.  No unwanted over-sharing about rectal emissions or anything had to be bandied about.  But still…it really does suck now, because I really like eggs.  Thankfully, it’s not like a total ban…things with a low concentration of eggs in them, like baked goods, breaded things, etc…all fine.

Breakfast is a lost cause, though.  I never really realized just how egg-centric – agh, that’s a bad pun, um egg-dependent American breakfasts were, until I couldn’t eat ‘em.  Well, either eggs, or sugary, starchy things.  If I want a savory-flavored breakfast, I’m either getting a plate of sausage, or biscuits’n gravy.  EVERYTHING is egg-based in the morning.  Scrambled eggs’n bacon.  Eggs over-easy with sausage.  Poached eggs.  Eggs benedict.  Omelets.  Quiche (not that I like quiche), Breakfast Casserole. I’ll grant that there is the whole spectrum of pancakes – waffles, crepes, French toast, etc – which is usually drenched in syrup and burns through my system and leaves me starving before I can even get home from the restaurant.

And pot-lucks and picnics, too – no more deviled eggs.  God-damn, I love deviled eggs.  No more egg-salad sandwiches.  Easter is boring now, too – all those delicious, colored, boiled eggs.  And my wife’s grandma’s potato salad, with its big chunks of boiled egg – but my wife did manage to rescue that by discovering that she can leave out the egg and it tastes the same.  One win for me.

I looked on the vast, 100% reliable resource known as the internet to find out if there was a viable egg substitute for me, and it turns out…….there isn’t.  Oh, there are egg replacements and substitutes…for baking, for cholesterol control, for several things.  But not for an allergy.  Nope.

Sigh.

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